NO MORE TWINKIES

Hostess, the maker of Twinkies and Wonder Bread are going out of business. Two staples of Americana for decades will disappear from grocery shelves (in some cases, they are already gone). Given the notorious staying power of a Twinkie, they may actually stay in existence for another decade in someone’s climate controlled (and sentry-dog guarded) warehouse. Wonder Bread will be gone much sooner. Bread mold still seems to find an errant loaf and turn the white bread green in short order.

Having given up white bread for my health at least 20 years ago, I confess I won’t miss that. My children, however, are a different matters. Despite being highly educated and extremely health-conscious; they still choose to make their toast or peanut butter and jelly sandwiches out of that white loaf. That won’t last more than a week, although there are many white bread manufacturers. It’s just not Wonder Bread.

Think of what this will mean? The purveyors of deep fried twinkies as street fairs and country fairs will have to deep fry something else–probably pickles or something. Oh, I forgot. They already are doing that.

There will be a run on the remaining Twinkies that exceeds bread and milk runs before a snowstorm. People will have to find a place to hide their stash so that the burglars don’t take the Twinkies instead of the computer equipment.

Twenty years from now one of the last remaining boxes of Twinkies will go up for auction in some capital city and will sell for $100,000.

Divorce settlements will have to include the possession (or division) of all the Twinkies in the marriage (unless one spouse has managed to hide them in an off-short safety deposit box).

The potential for crisis and comfort food meltdown are infinite.

It’s probably time to have a new food capturing our imagination and identifying with inner peace.

Did I hear someone say, “Broccoli?”

I didn’t think so.

Until someone finds a suitable nominee, we will have to cherish the memories (and maybe lose some weight in the process).

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